I thought I would find the answer by pondering the future of my life, and my future legacy. But I realized that that’s where my question is coming from. I needed to look elsewhere for the answer. I started looking backward instead, and I realized that I have been given gifts and passion and it is in bringing those to the forefront that I can become the best version of myself.

I discovered that I need to make a video game.

And not just any video game. The Video Game. If my working life only produced one product, what would I want it to be? A video game. If I could only make one video game, what would it be? If I could only write one kind of story for the video game, what would the story be about? This is self expression. I need to express the ideas I’ve had since youth with the skills I’ve developed since then.

I think that for my entire life I’ve wanted to make a video game. I remember in kindergarden I drew cross sections of ant hills. There were red ants. Black ants. And when they mixed, there were fighting ants. Dead ants. The drawings were formulaic. There was a surface, there were tunnels winding underground, and there were ants. Lots of ants. I loved inventing new ant hills and finding new things to do with this simple formula.

I was designing a game, I think. Even if I was only playing at designing a game. I didn’t know much about computers at the age of 5. This was 1991. And it would be years before I would take up an interest in programming (I wish I could go back like Biff Tannen and show myself how to do it).

The designing trend continued through all my schooling, though with different types of games I progressed. Each game had its own rules. Even today, I can remember how to design scenarios on paper in all the games I played at creating. There were space battles, there were Indiana Jones style archaeology adventure games, there were puzzle games, etc.

As I looked back on all of those designs I invented with so much detail it was clear that that was what I really wanted to do. And I was shocked when I realized that I possessed most of the skills necessary to make a video game, I just need to improve and combine them. I’ve always drawn. I’ve studied animation. I’ve made sprites for web design. I’ve always been analytical, paying careful attention to details. I’m a self taught programmer. I have a BFA in Graphic Design. I’ve been interested in music for a long time. And I possess a great appreciation for the fine arts, including storytelling (novels, films).

So I’m making a game. I’m doing it alone (with input from trusted friends). It will take years. When the game is maybe 60% done, I’ll be able to share more. Down the pipe I’ll shed light on the name, genre, style, platforms, characters, etc. I’ll also share art and videos, etc. But for now, I’m brewing. I’m iterating. I’m keeping secrets.

Announcing a new website for Moonlings! Yes, moonlings.com is here!

How did this happen? I’m about to tell you. At length.

When Steve Jobs passed away a month ago today, I was shaken. Despite my prediction that his death would be imminent at the time he stepped down from his role at Apple as CEO, I was unprepared. Here’s the guy that gave us personal computers. Gave us MP3 players that were usable. Gave me the only phone I ever wanted to use. The list goes on but others have doen it better justice.

The point is, I felt lost. In a world without your hero, what do you do next? What do you believe now? Who should you follow now? I was without direction. Jobs wanted “to make a ding in the universe.” I think he did. He was a big deal, but after enough time, even he won’t be remembered. So of course neither will I or my work. So what’s the point in it all? I’ve recently found answers in Ecclesiastes.

A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God.

Ecclesiastes 2:24

And again:

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13

Orientation. You are mine.

My work seeks after greatness; I want to find satisfaction in my toil. When I’m not working I’m being happy– eating and drinking– the way that all the living ought to each day. And in all of this I’m trying to do good. I’ve taken as my personal mantra the family motto of my mother’s maiden surname. The Sinclair family motto: COMMIT THY WORK TO GOD.

Thankfully, this new orientation gave context to words he spoke at the June 12, 2005 Stanford commencement that I treasured yet struggled with. Here’s an excerpt:

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “No” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Full text and video

All of these reflections caused me to decide to follow God and follow my heart. This is the first step in what I hope will be a life-long journey, the principles of which are simple enough to remember always, yet they emphasize being present in the moment.

To begin with, I made a list of everything I needed to do to create the greatest Moonlings site I could. Then, to make sure the site got online before my “Moonlings Presents: Thirteen Days of Halloween” project launched, I drew a line somewhere fairly high in the list. I set out to accomplish everything above the line before that project’s launch date, so that I wouldn’t put off my dreams any longer.

When your hero dies, you have to remember that as you honor and celebrate their spirit in a part of your heart; they’re still with you. There is no replacement for Steve and there never will be, but that’s okay. What we loved about our hero, we own a part of in our own souls and we live it out in our lives.

He told his colleagues at Apple not to ask “What would Steve do?” after he was gone. He said to just do what’s right.

People who know me well know that I’m a long time Apple fanboy. Two nights ago, Steve Jobs resigned from Apple. I wanted to do something. Click the image for a larger version.

This was one of my earliest ventures in doing the actual art for Moonlings digitally. There’s something great about the raw ones, but the benefits of the digital execution can’t be denied either. At this point, I’m looking for approaches for doing hybrids, seeking the best of both worlds. We’ll see!

Harvey Pickle started out life in this comic strip which I produced while working on my undergraduate at Oklahoma Christian.

After doing comics for a semester for OC’s paper, the Talon, I began to move away from the multi-paneled comic strip format. I funneled my smaller ideas into Moonlings and longed for a deeper format for bigger ideas. I imagined a vast universe wherein Harvey Pickle might live. I imagined many more adversities that a future future man might face, and several friends that would help him along the way.

I hope – one day – to have the chance focus on Harvey and see where he takes me. It’s a big universe. Who knows where we’ll end up.